Meditation

Since I publicly wrote about my struggles with anxiety, I thought another update was appropriate. I have come to realize that my anxiety is not the worst of my problems. It was the panic attacks that were debilitating. But they also go hand in hand for me. My last update was after my first session with a counselor. I saw her about 3 times before she said, "You're fine. You are doing great!" This was actually a scary thing to hear. Was she sure I was fine? But I realized in those few sessions I knew most of the skills she had taught me and now I just needed to apply them. Since then, I have made a buttload of progress! The things that caused me to have panic attacks are slowly starting to fade in the background. Here are a few things that have helped me:

1. When I am in tune with my body and I recognize hey something doesn't feel good....this may be the beginning of anxiety, stress, or a panic attack, I first say a prayer that I will be able to use the skills I have been taught. Then I rate my anxiety on a scale of 1-10. Usually when I do this, I realize it is actually rather low. Then I decide if it is a rational fear...let me tell you about 100% of the time it's ridiculously irrational. This already calms my mind and then the biggest battle is just fighting the dumb CD player of irrational thoughts stuck on repeat in my head!

2. Putting myself in uncomfortable situations- the ones that cause anxiety, fear, stress, and panic attacks. Yes it blows. But if you don't face the trigger, you can't learn to control it. I tell myself in these situations that yes I feel uncomfortable, BUT it isn't the worst feeling ever. My counselor told me a story. She asked me what the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me was...I really couldn't think of a specific situation right off the top of my head but I replied with anything happening to my family. She agreed and said that is the number one response she gets most often until one person told her that if her entire family was kidnapped and she was forced to shoot one. Okay people......that is probably the worst thing that can happen and I think I can handle driving my co-worker to work now! But hey people don't go asking me to give a talk in church anytime soon.....or ever. I have a couple of triggers or situations that I still need to put myself in. I am working my way up to them....slowly.

3. Meditation! One day I had been doing super super well and all of the sudden I felt the hey something doesn't feel right feeling. I went through my little routine and something popped in my head. Read your scriptures and meditate. I had learned in a world religion class how to meditate and we did it every day in class. But it had never occurred to me to actually use what my teacher taught me outside of class! Then the next day I was watching TV and a guy told his story of how he suffered from panic attacks and meditation changed his life. Okay....Heavenly Father was like listen up sister, I am telling you what to do. I downloaded the Headspace app on my phone and I meditate for 10 minutes using this awesome app about every other day or so. Or when I need it. It allows that CD player of irrational thoughts to just stop for a while and give myself a little break. LOVE IT! Get it....do it.

My Milkshakes Don't Bring All the Boys to the Yard

So I decided it's time to visit the ol' Victoria Secret for some new bras since I'm still wearing nursing ones and not really nursing often enough to justify wearing one. Before I went in I asked Eric if he was coming. "I've never been in one, but I would rather walk around with Ruby outside." Okay...on my own. No support (literally ha). I walked in and was immediately overwhelmed by the sights of various colors, sizes, types, and prices. Maybe this is what happens when you become a mom but the Hefflelumps and Woozles song came to mind

They're green they're blue they're pink they're white 

They're round they're square they're a terrible sight 

They tie themselves in horrible knots

They come in stripes or polka-dots

Beware Beware be a very wary bear

They're extra-ordinary so better be wary

Because they come in every shape and size

- size - size - size

I walked around squeezing and pinching and trying to avoid the 16 year old employee boob measure girl. After taking 3 laps around the place I decided I would take my boobs on out of Victoria Secret (which my mom always says that Victoria doesn't have any secrets) and get out as fast as possible before anyone could see the panicked look on my face. I felt as if I just escaped a near death experience.

Victoria will have to wait for now.