TWO babies

I had a d&c procedure from my miscarriage just a few days before moving across the country. They said everything should be fine but just in case they provided me with all my medical records. On our last day of driving (I believe we took 5 days to drive from Washington to Virginia), I got a call from my doctor explaining that my test results came back and they didn't find any fetal tissue from my d&c. Which could possibly mean I was still pregnant but with an ectopic pregnancy. It was pretty disheartening. Only because I was ready to move on and it just brought all of the emotions back to the surface. We really didn't know what we should do. After consulting with a few people, we decided it was best to head to the closest hospital. We were in West Virginia. We literally found the closest ER and headed there. We found out later, they actually didn't even have a labor and delivery department. But the nurse there was the most kind person I have ever met. She was so wonderful to us during this emotional time. It turned out everything was fine and I was not pregnant. Which was a blessing. And we continued on our way to Virginia.

I went to a doctor a little after I arrived just to wrap things up as there was a lot of unanswered questions from my miscarriage.We were told to wait a few months before trying again. Little did we know, we most likely were already pregnant. Father's day weekend I decided to take a pregnancy test. It had the faintest line on it. I think I ended up taking 5 just to make sure. And the lines got darker every time. I surprised Eric on Father's day with one. He was pretty shocked. I got sick a little earlier this pregnancy and it continued to get worse and worse! Eric kept telling everyone it was because I was having twins. I told him not to get his hopes up. Or that it was ridiculous because every pregnancy is different. But he was pretty convinced it was twins. At one moment, I remember thinking to myself that these babies were making me so sick...and then I thought I mean BABY...this baby is making me sick. 

This is how we told my family. We sent them pictures of Ruby's drawings.

My first ultrasound I was pretty nervous and anxious considering how things went last time. The first thing the tech asked was, "So did you guys do in-vitro? Because there are 2 babies!" Eric just yelled, "I knew it! I told you!" I think I laughed and cried at the same time. I felt overwhelmed but at the same time, I felt so thankful to my Heavenly Father.

First picture together!

Since we have found out, things have not been easy! There are a few "flavors" of twins. Our twins are identical. They are called MODI twins because they have 2 separate sacs but share the same placenta. (top right in the picture). My doctor said to think of it as they are sharing the same feeding trough.

But MoDi twins come with complications. Well identicals in general. So identical means that one fertilized egg split. So they have the exact same DNA. Meaning they both have to be the same gender. (We get this question a lot. But all this twin stuff is confusing. I had to ask the doctors a million and one questions). With MoDi pregnancies, they monitor you every 2 weeks and you should be seeing a specialist called a maternal fetal medicine specialist. Our MFM in Richmond noticed the size of B was much smaller than A. And she asked us to come back the following week (we had already moved, but was unable to get into a new doctor right away). Its about a 2.5 hour drive. We did this 3 times! It made for long days. My appointments are usually 3 hours long. Things stayed fairly stable during this time. Once I was able to see my new MFM, he was pretty concerned about the babies. I have to be monitored weekly for the rest of my pregnancy. And I go to the Fairfax hospital for all of my appointments. Its about an hour drive if traffic isn't too bad. And again we have about 3 hour appointments. Ruby comes with me. And we have learned to pack a lunch and a hospital bag filled with toys and things to keep her entertained. She does pretty well but she is sick of going with me. They are monitoring me for 2 things at this point. Twin to Twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) and Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction (sIUGR) 

"TTTS there is an imbalance in the blood exchange between the babies sharing a placenta. This unequal blood sharing compromises their health, as these interconnected vessels deliver nutrients to the developing twins. One twin –the donor twin—gives away more blood than it receives in return and runs the risk of malnourishment and organ failure. The recipient twin receives too much blood and is susceptible to overwork of the heart and other cardiac complications."-John Hopkins resource

"sIUGR happens when the placenta is not evenly apportioned between the twins. The placenta provides nourishment necessary for growth and development in the womb. Therefore, if an imbalance is present, one twin may become malnourished. sIUGR complicates 10 percent to 15 percent of monochorionic twin pregnancies."- John Hopkins resource

 I am currently showing signs of both. But not enough to be diagnosed with them yet. Each appointment, some things improve but then others worsen. Because of this, my MFM sent me to the top people in this field over at John Hopkins hospital in Baltimore. My mother-in-law came and watched Ruby for us and Eric took the day off to bring me up there. I was so anxious, all I could do was squeeze Eric's hand and lean on him literally. And I did a lot of praying while I tried not to burst into tears. But the doctors and all the staff were absolutely amazing! They took over 200 ultrasound pictures and went over all of them before discussing them with us. Although they are concerned about baby B as well, they said there is no need to panic as of yet. So what's hard for me is this pregnancy is literally a week by week thing. Each week I get anxious to find out how they are doing. They treat TTTS with a laser surgery and try to separate some of the vessels. They can only do this up to 26 weeks. The babies then have a 60% chance of survival. But it can also lead to preterm labor and other complications. But without the surgery the babies have a 80-90% chance of dying. Anyways, to say this pregnancy is stressful is a understatement. I have my moments but I am so thankful for supportive friends and family! And PRAYER! I am 21 weeks as of today. I just can't wait for these little babes to get here.

Baby B 20 weeks

Baby A 20 weeks

Ruby turns FREE! (Three) Birthday letter

Happy 3rd Birthday Ruby Charlotte (you now ask us to call you that...I guess Boo Bah is a little too childish for you now)

I love this three year old business. You were so excited about your birthday. For weeks you would tell everyone that you were going to be "free in Octover"! And now its been almost 2 weeks since your birthday and you still are telling everyone about it or telling them it is your birthday. I am glad it was fun because I was worried about it not being as cool as all the other "pinterest parties". We made Baymax cupcakes and took them to playgroup at the park. And it was a hit. Afterwards, Daddy came home a little early so we could go to Cox farms pumpkin patch. You had a blast. You requested you favorite dinner of pizza. You opened presents from us and you even got a package from Mimi and Boppa. That weekend, Grandpa and Mema came and we celebrated with them too.

We are now in our new place in Chantilly, Virginia. You love the space. It is so much bigger than our tiny apartment in Rexburg. You like to ride your bike out front or on the deck. You have lots of little neighbor kids to play with. And the best part is the awesome park across the street. We visit there often. We have met so many people already and your best friend is Charlotte. We try and do things with them about once a week. You always cry when we have to go back home after playing with Charlotte. I am glad you have other friends because for a while you use to say, "Mom you're my best friend." Which I loved but absolutely felt guilty for!

Right now we are preparing for your twin sisters to come! You are doing surprisingly well with the whole idea. I was really worried about it. But you like to hug and kiss the babies in my tummy....although you also like to "shake" them too. But you always ask about them. If they are sleeping or hungry, or if they like this or that. It's pretty cute. You also have said some pretty great things about them at my doctors appointment. One being that you told the ultrasound tech that "the babies are hatching in momma's buns." I don't know where you come up with these hilarious things. I hope you enjoy them just as much after they are here! Because I know that will be a huge adjustment. Sometimes, I come into your room before I go to sleep and just snuggle you for a bit because I know we won't get as much time together after the girls come.

Speaking of your own room....YOU ARE SLEEPING IN YOUR OWN BED!!!!!!!!! It's a miracle! You still wake up a few times a night to use the bathroom or just scream in your sleep. But I have to say, Daddy and I enjoy the space. We all sleep much better.

Ruby Charlotte your Daddy and I love you so much. You always make us laugh. I can't imagine this family without you. You will be an amazing big sister.

Love Mom and Dad
(A heart means I love you....that's what you always say to me)

Taboo?

I decided to write this post for a couple of reasons. 1) I find it healing to write things down and 2) I hope others will find it helpful. I found out I was pregnant and we were so excited to share our news. We told family. However, the whole time I kept telling Eric this feels funny. It felt nothing like it did when I found out I was pregnant with Ruby. One night I had a dream I was having a miscarriage and I woke up to lots of cramping and bleeding. My doctor's office didn't open until 8am. It was only 5am. So I just waited. Deep down I knew what was happening. But of course I scoured the internet in hopes of finding someone with the same symptoms and a happy ending. I came to a blog of a woman who had a similar experience. Although she didn't have a happy ending, she made some really valid points. She explained how we often keep our pregnancies to ourselves or to a few family family members and friends until it is "safe" to share, just in case something goes wrong. But isn't that when we need the most support from others? Well I had my appointment. They did an ultrasound and blood work. The doctor said it was possible I could just be earlier in my pregnancy then I thought. I left feeling a tiny bit better. But as the pain and bleeding continued for the next few days, I just knew it wasn't a viable pregnancy. I did more lab work Friday and had to wait until Monday for the results. Although I already knew the results when the doctor called, it was still emotional. I was pretty up and down all day. But I am thankful for supportive friends and family. I am feeling so much better. And I am trying to find the positives. One being how much I love my Ruby girl and supportive husband. I am very blessed.

Birthday Letter 2!

Dearest Ruby Girl,
I cannot believe I am writing your second birthday letter! This last year has flown by! I love this 2 year old thing. You crack me up with how much you are saying these days. Some of my favorite words and phrases are: "Yes, yes I do" (that is your answer for everything now even if it doesn't make sense), go-keys= your blanket, not sure how you came up with that one. You love all books and going to the library. You love listening to music and dancing. Right now your favorite songs are "All About That Base" and "Shake it Off". Your favortie movies/shows are Curious George, Daniel Tigers Neighborhood, and "Scary Monsters" (Monsters Inc.).

So....this is now 6 months later. At least I started the letter around your birthday! So much has changed in the last 6 months. Your Daddy graduated in December, along with Uncle Zach and Aunt Lizzy AND Boppa. It was so fun to have all of our family in town to celebrate. And we also received lots of help packing and cleaning. We are now living at Mimi and Boppa's house. You LOVE the attention from everyone and you are pretty spoiled. Playing with your cousins at Kj's is one of your favorite things to do. And Uncle Brody has taught you some sweet handshakes. You love being able to run around outside here. You have a little more freedom now that we aren't living on the third floor of an apartment building! You are growing before my eyes. And you already have new favorite movies and songs. Big Hero 6 is watched almost everyday. At least parts of it. And I will admit, I don't mind it so much, I love it too. You are pretty sassy. When you throw a little tantrum, you know that you have to go to the corner until you are done screaming. Sometimes you tell Mimi to go to the corner now and you say,"Scream Mimi!" She plays along and pretends to scream and then after she is done you give her lots of hugs and tell her not to scream. The other day you said, " I tooted mom!" Me: "well what do you say? You: "now I have to poop!" Well...most of the time you are pretty good with manners. You say please and thank you a lot. You also make the most hilarious facial expressions. Some include rolling your eyes. That probably won't be so cute when you are a teenager. You also have started referring to your daddy as Eric especially when you are trying to get out of being in trouble. And you often say, "don't worry mom okay" When you are doing something naughty like climbing on counters! Man do we love you Ruby! My favorite thing is when you give daddy and I a group hug and whisper in the sweetest voice, "Wuv you guys."

This next year will bring many changes. Ones we are so so excited about as well as little nervous! We are moving to Northern Virginia because Daddy got an awesome job with Boeing.

We love you Ruby girl. More than your 2 and a half year old self can understand!
Happy birthday kid!
Love mommy and daddy
P.S. These are just a few pictures from the last 7 months :)

Graduation

I know I am only about 5 months behind on blogging! BUT I just had to share about my family graduating. First of all, Eric graduated with a bachelors in computer information technology. I am so proud of him! He has also received a job offer in Virginia with Boeing. My brother Zach and his wife also graduated. And my Dad also graduated a month before his kidney transplant. We had so much family in town it was awesome. We were so thankful to have them all. They also helped us clean and pack up our apartment. I was actually a little sad leaving Rexburg. I enjoyed being able to live so close to Zach, Lizzy, and Maddie. We saw each other about once or twice a week.

kidney transplant

Racing Buddies

Our family had been waiting so long for this moment. Our Dad was finally going to be receiving a life saving organ. We spent a few years looking for a donor. Our family tested and some were matches but were unable to donate for health reasons. I think people would be surprised by the extensive process of finding a match. It can take several months to go through the various health screenings. After lots of ups and downs of finding a match, a lady in our ward was a match and able to take the time off of work to donate. We were so excited! However, nothing goes as planned and Dad ended up having a heart attack as well as having a lengthy stay in the hospital related to his kidney. It was hard to be in Idaho at the time. I felt pretty helpless. Because of his heart attack, the doctors felt it was best to push the transplant back. We ended up waiting another year! Finally January 13th Denise donated her kidney to my dad. It was an emotionally draining day. We spent hours in the waiting room at the hospital trying to find ways to distract ourselves. I was pretty worried since his last hospital visit was a near death experience for him. However everything went perfect! We weren't able to see him until late that night. It was such a relief. And we couldn't be more thankful to Denise and her family. What a selfless act. In the months since his transplant, I have seen him regain strength and return to the Dad and Boppa I know. We constantly thank our Heavenly Father for blessing our family. We saw many miracles. I also have the most amazing family. They are so supportive!

A beautiful view from the hospital